So i just found out my dog has cancer… ugh. Thats horrible. He is old and i know that everyone dies someday, but i love my puppy. He is so cute and i have not lived a day in my life without him. He is very loving, and he has a big coat of black and white hair. He now has two big tumors, one on his leg and one on his neck. I hope he gets better soon.
So this weekend has been fun, but it has come and now is gone. I try so hard to save every moment for later use but with midterms coming up there are more important things to store in my mind. I have studied long and hard for these things and have worked for the past few months. I have done so much just to get it all in my brain. I didn’t even get my 400 word thing in until tonight, ugh. I have homework to do and places to be and midterms are just getting in my way. But maybe all this studying will pay off in the end. I’ve made flash cards, attempted to straight up just study, that did not interest me in anyway at all. My mom had to make me sit down and study some of the time. But now i kind of feel……..SMARTER. ha I am going to get an A on every single exam! at least i will try. and hopefully everyone who has studied or even attempted to study will get what they deserve to get on there exams. Well i have to go finish studying for math, science, world history, gourmet foods, health, french, and English. UGH
Today I woke up and brushed my teeth i got into the shower then i got dressed then did my hair and makeup. I ran downstairs a 8:19 thinking i was going to miss my bus, so i grabbed my water bottle and ran out the door. I caught up to my brother, Austin, and we walked to the bus together. My neighbor kyle was waiting at the bus stop we talked then i saw Khadija walking up the hill. We jumped onto the bus and i exchanged good mornings with my bus driver. We rode the bus to school. We finally go tot school and then we separated. I walked into the school doors. I saw my friend Morgan and we went to the office to turn something into the lost and found. Morgan and I have 5th block on the downstairs floor right next to each other so we walked each other to class. I finally got myself into Gourmet Foods and took a quiz. I walked through the halls with Morgan, Sean, and Jordan. We all walked our separate ways. I went to Math. My friend Nicole was joining our class. It was fun we went over our quizzes we took the class before. The next class i had was French. “bonjour!” my teacher said. Nicole and I went and took our seats and looked at the board it read TEST. Uh-oh we had a test. We went to C lunch and when to our lunch table. Her and I switched jackets. After that class i went to study hall it wasn’t that fun. After school i ran outside to find My best friend Morgan! She was waiting for me. Mackenzie and Nicole were waiting as well. Mackenzie, nicole and I walked to our bus. We got on and our friends Brandon and Melika were waiting there. We rode the bus and they got off on my stop. We walked to our old school to see our old teachers. Mrs.Raburn was in her car. We yelled! She stopped and Hugged us. We talked for about 15 minutes. Then i finally said “bye” to Mack and Nicole. We went our separate ways. I turned my ipod on because i had a long walk. I finally got home and Here i am now freezing and doing my homework. That was a day in the life of Jackie.
I am a bomb exploding and ready,
Waiting to detonate.
I only have one chance to make my
Explosion colossal.
I have a burst of energy like a live band.
I have a moment of determination like a predator
Chasing its prey.
I have a burrow full of achievements
Like a big hole in the ground.
What is next after your brother starts using illegal drugs and underage alcohol consumption? Well, I sure didn’t know. I tried everything from attempting to have heart-to-heart conversations with him, taking his drug paraphernalia, calling the police, and I even had to come to the point where I couldn’t talk to him. We didn’t talk for days, weeks, even months. It hurt too much to even look at him, and when I did take time to look at him I didn’t see the boy who I once thought was becoming a great man like my father and one I looked up to. Instead, I saw a helpless, lost boy that didn’t know what he was doing with his life or even if he would be living the next day. I watched him gain weight rapidly from the drug usage, and I started seeing cuts and bruises from fighting other lost souls with the same addiction. I sometimes would go upstairs to where his bedroom was and just sit and take little peeks at him. Oh man I didn’t know that it was actually getting this serious. I loved him a lot, but I just could not bear to look any longer.
Months had passed, and, as his addiction grew, he wanted more and more. I just knew that wasn’t my brother. He broke my mom down. She could not bear with this any longer. She had to do something about it. My dad was in on it, too. My parents could not leave him lying there like that. It just wasn’t right. I was building a huge wall between my brother and me. It was not good. I love my brother so much; how could this have been happening? I had lost every little bit of respect for my brother.
One Saturday night, a little past midnight, I was lying down in my friend Brad’s basement. I heard my phone ring – my mom was calling. I picked up.
“Jackie! Come outside I need help, please, Jackie!”
I ran out her back door and jumped her fence. On my way to the front of her house I thought of my mom’s words, which were filled with guilt and sorrow. I hopped in the car, and we were going to the police. I wasn’t sure what was happening yet, but we got there, and my mom broke down. She was crying and I stood right by her side. I knelt down and started crying as well, I said “mom what happened?”
She told me what had happened that summer night. My brother was severely injured by two boys in college. They came up behind him with a wooden stake from the ground and started pounding him on the head. My brother was unconscious. His friend drove him to the hospital because his head wouldn’t stop bleeding.
My mom, my brother, and I had finally gotten to the hospital. My mom ran in, and the doctor had told her he could have been killed. My mom was devastated. I was waiting in the waiting room for my brother and mom to come out. Finally they came out. My brother, still drunk from before the accident, was screaming at the top of his lungs while we were in the car. We got home and my mom told me my brother had a tumor in his brain and if he wouldn’t have gotten hit on the head they would have never found it.
I broke down I couldn’t take it any longer. I ran upstairs and I was screaming at him. He screamed back. He ran down stairs and back out the door the rest of that night was spent looking around for him. We didn’t find him. A day later he came home and told us he was very sorry for that night. I really thought he was. Two months he had spent in and out of doctor offices and hospitals for testing and treatment. That January, right after all of the holidays, he was going in for radiation surgery to shrink the tumor in his brain. Mason, Beth, my uncle Jason, my grandma, and I went to the hospital to meet up with my mom. My dad wasn’t there, but I knew he would want to be there for my brother, and my mom walked us to Philip’s room.
We walked in very slowly and quietly he was asleep. I looked down at him, and I saw a glimpse of him before drug abuse, I will never forget that moment. He had a big head piece screwed into his head. We won’t know if the surgery worked until two years after.
That night Philip came home from the hospital. He looked the same and smelt the same like weed and alcohol. Boy did I miss him, but I still couldn’t talk to him the same. A few weeks passed by. It was late February almost March, and my dad was taking my two brothers on a fishing trip to Florida. I admit I was a little jealous I didn’t get to go to sunny Florida. But I kind of knew something was up but I wasn’t really sure yet. And my parents were letting them miss school? Yeah, I knew something was defiantly happening. That Saturday afternoon I watched my dad, my brother Mason, and Philip, looking awfully pale, walk out the door.
That was the last time I was saw him for about 9 months. I mean my brother Mason and my dad came home, But where was Philip? I called my mom and I asked, “Is Philip home?” And my mom told me my brother had been sent away to the hardest military Christian school in the US called Teen Challenge. I was very hurt. I couldn’t sleep for the next couple months. I started to not want to go to school anymore. And finally spring break came around we were going to Myrtle Beach South Carolina. I went with my friend Rachel, my brother Mason, my sister Beth, and my dad. We were having fun. And then I saw my dad pick his phone up. I said, “Dad, who is it?” I said It several times.
Then I saw my dad with the biggest grin and the most teary eyed I had ever seen him, he was crying. It was weird. I had never seen my dad cry before, with the exception of him telling us about him leaving my mom, but these weren’t the same tears. They were happy tears.
He walked out on to the beach and I ran after him. I yelled over the wind “dad wait I have one question?”
He hollered back “what?”
I yelled back “Is that my brother?”
My dad paused for a moment and finally yelled back “yes!”
My eyes filled with tears. I started crying. I yelled back “tell him I love him? And I am sorry, I am sorry for giving up on him, I should have never let it get as far as it did!” I was never so happy to hear about my brother.
Finally school was over for me, of course, but not Philip. He had year round school, the hot summery days were flying by so fast. One late summer day, I said, “Mom?”
She said “yes honey?” barely paying attention to me while she was fixing breakfast.
I asked, “When do I get to see Philip?”
She said, “Soon, Baby, very soon.”
I jumped up and yelled, “What date?”
She said, “Sometime at the end of September early October.”
“Yes!”
3 weeks passed by and I began school. It was the end of September. September 29th to be exact. We were leaving in two days to see my brother in military school. Oh man was I excited! We arrived in Bonifay, Florida midday Friday. We were in the legit middle of nowhere. We weren’t going to get to see my brother until the next day so we went to our hotel room and found a diner on the corner next to the Piggly Wiggly. We walked in, and everyone stared. It was probably because everyone in the town knows everyone, and no one knew us. The food was delicious! We were full we went back to our hotel to get a goodnights sleep. I slept like a baby that night knowing that I was going to get see my big brother.
I woke up around 7:00 that morning and jumped in the shower. We left the hotel to get some breakfast then we sped down this long narrow dirt road for about thirty minutes.
We finally pulled up. I didn’t think I was going to be able to step out of that car because I had so many emotions running through my head. I got out of the car and we walked into the building. It was definitely not what I thought it would be. It was like a big ranch. Horses, animals and fields. It was beautiful. It was true peace. I wasn’t sure when I would get to see Philip, but for the next hour and a half my brother and I played basketball in the basketball courts.
I heard the big gym door open and saw light from the outside come in, my stomach dropped there he was, My big brother that I have missed for so long. I ran to him and gave him the biggest hug ever. We caught up on everything but Philip still wasn’t the same – he was better. He was nice, understanding, loving, and caring. He was not a bad boy anymore. For like 1 minute I just stared at Philip. I watched my whole family together again it was really heartwarming. For a long time I watched him. Philip was actually smiling. I had not seen that beautiful smile in 1 or 2 years because the whole time he was filled with pain. I know my brother had been a bad person, but now he is building character and he is all better now. He is full of life, joy, and happiness. He is helping other people and meeting their needs. And He is going on a mission trip to Guatemala in January.
We left Bonifay and went home and the next time I will get to see my brother is Christmas, he is coming home for the first time in almost a year. I love my brother and I am forgetting the past and thinking about our future as family and best friends. And until Christmas all I think about is Philip’s big happy smile that he wears proudly now and knows that he doesn’t need weed, alcohol, etc. to be happy; he needs his family. Teen Challenge had saved my brother’s life.
My life has desires
Our friendship has expired
My life is going somewhere
Your life is going nowhere
My dreams are conceivable
My pathway is clear
I see that your trying
but have no fear
for our friendship is so dear
I have given you my warning
I have given you my all
It is your turn now
Please do not fall
I have tried so hard
This friendship is fatal
Your sorrows will catch up to you
For this is where your going
3 am still awake
Thinking about your mistakes
Smoking, Drinking, Blackouts,
Passout.
Listen to my words
Cause this is your final warning
for eveything i have i done
I think i deserve to be listened to
For you are my Bestfriend
-Jackie Russell
We Flew into the air.! “WOOSH”, My brother and I were not scared of anything. We always ride rides together. We were on the boardwalk in Atlantic City New Jersey. We saw Tons of people waiting in the line I looked up and saw 2 people in a caged in ball fly up in the air. They were screaming until they got used to being swung up and down and side to side. The sign said THE SLING SHOT. It was big and bold I could tell by the sign it was an intense ride. My brother grabbed my arm and said were doing this I don’t care what you say. The 2 people climbed off the ride and looked like they were about to puke. Austin and I were behind 20 other people waiting in line. One hour went by and it was our turn. I took my shoes off and layed my bag down and sat in the seat my heart started to thumb so hard I thought it was going to fall out of my chest. I layed back in the seat closing my eyes not knowing when the ride would launch. Looking over at my brother.. We flew into the air flipped once twice, From the top of the slingshot I looked down, children with there faces painted, balloons being popped, the waves in the Ocean wresting in and back out. I kind of felt a moment of comfort at the top. After that I looked over at Austin and he was terrified, his back pressed up against the seat, he said “never again” I was a bit surprised cause he’s not usually scared of a lot, but ill admit it was very scary. Before I knew it I saw that we were flying back down to the ground. Our ride was over, people cheered as we got off, I mean at least my dad did. We were happy we tried it but i think we both agreed Never again.
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jackie